I originally planned on writing this Thursday after Bush made his speech disguising the end of the troop surge as a withdrawal. I thought that I should let it marinate for a few days. It's been a few days, and these are my thoughts.

-I like how he said the sheiks in Anbar asked American troops for help in getting rid of Al-Qaeda's presence in the province. It makes it sound like when the US turned down the sheiks' offer of their services 4 years ago never happened.

-Apparently, Al-Qaeda is the main problem in Iraq. I thought it was the civil war going on. Oh, wait! They're not calling it a civil war; it's "sectarian violence".

-I bet you my cassette tape of "CrazySexyCool" that the White House wrote "General Petraeus's Report"

-It is neither Gen. Petraeus's nor Amb. Ryan Crocker's job to sell this war to Congress. The White House should not have put them in this position.

-I don't know if Bush and his ilk got the memo, but Iraq already is a safe haven for Al-Qaeda

-I bet you all the Vokal jeans I haven't gotten rid of that one of the 36 nations is Afrika Bambaataa and The Zulu Nation. Seriously, 36 nations? Can these people count?

Allow me to state the obvious: this war needs to end. The US government authorized an illlegal invasion of a sovereign country against the wishes of the international community. The minds behind the quick invasion failed to plan for what happens next. American troops are policing an all-out civil war, and they and many Iraqis are getting killed. What we need to do is leave. Withdraw our troops and let the Iraqi government know it's time to step their game up. The civil war will get much worse, but we can pray to God that other nations are willing to forgive and help us clean up the mess we made. This war has caused so much damage that won't be fixed for years, if that soon. 30,000 troops may go home, but the longer the other 100,000 or so are there, the more damage will be done.

Oh, I forgot; focus on Afghanistan and Pakistan: where the real "War On Terror" is.

Each morning at work, I check the various versions of Google News in English and French. It's a great way for me to stay abreast on things going on in the world that American media doesn't deem sexy enough to cover and keep up with my French. Google News Australia has been abuzz lately due to Prime Minister John Howard banning alcohol and pornography from Aboriginal reservations to curb pedophilia among Aborigines. He honestly believes that this will work, but he's got a lot of critics. Even if I didn't feel the prime minister is a racist butt-munch, I'd still side with the critics. Here's why.

It reeks of paternalism
This plan treats Indigenous Australians as if they can't handle the issues in their communities, and it's White Australia's duty to help them since they can't help themselves. Indigenous Australians have a lot of issues do deal with such as drug abuse, alcoholism, crime, etc. All these issues result from disenfranchisement and marginalization in mainstream (i.e., White) Australian society. The best way to address these issues is through inclusion to mainstream society and reconciliation for past events.

It's opportunistic
Prime Minister Howard is up for reelection this year, and due to his support of the Iraq war, and the Bush administration, among other things, he is behind in the polls to his main opponent Kevin Rudd. So, what's a quick way to drum up support? Show that you're "taking action" to support a group of citizens you didn't give a crap about for the 10 years you've been in office. You get extra brownie points if it's an issue that community leaders have been telling you about for the past 5 years.

It's already in place
For most Aboriginal reserves, the bans on alcohol and pornography have been in place for at least 20 years. They've curbed alcohol abuse, but not pedophilia. Aboriginal leaders have said that the government's ban will have an effect only if it's enforced in areas where Aborigines and Whites live together; otherwise, it's not gonna change what's been happening for the past 20 years.

Since I've last posted, I got a job, lost it a week later, and got another one after about 3 weeks. During that time, aside from a day trip to Asheville and Chimney Rock, not much happened. I surfed the net, tried to read, watched an occasional Champions League game, got hooked on "Heroes" and had interviews for jobs I wouldn't get. Exciting, I know.

Okay, my job. I work for Talecris Biotherapeutics. You're thinking "What? Biotherapeutics? I thought you were still an ECE major?" now right? Talecris used to be a part of Bayer until about 2 years ago. They produce drugs that are created from plasma. Not that plasma, that plasma. No, I haven't swtiched to Biology; I'm in the Information Solutions department. I'm helping with a project on asset management, which is about licensing of applications used within the company. I haven't had much to do until recently since they didn't know I'd be starting until the day before my first day.

Did I mention that I work in Clayton? No? Well, I work in Clayton, which needless to say is nothing like RTP. I mean, there's a freaking field across the highway from the complex. I haven't gone out for lunch, since the most interesting restaurant I've come across is Mexican. Nothing against Mexican food, but it's tame compared to the Jamaican food I could get from Durham. Also, everyone out there is much friendlier than what I'm used to. It wasn't as bad as that time I went to Tarboro last year, but it still take some getting used to. It reminds me of State, in that most people you come across have Southern accents. So many people have asked me where I'm from and are surprised that I've spent my entire life in Raleigh, because I don't sound like it. I guess it's a good thing I'm working there since I can get a taste of 9to5 life outside of RTP. They don't seem as flexible with their schedule, and as casual, but they are friendlier and more personable.

I guess I could write my thoughts on the crisis in the Palestinian Territories. Maybe I can write about how I was late for "Heroes", or why no one told me Deborah Cox was releasing a Dinah Washington tribute album, or my fascination with Kaká. But it's getting late, so I'll do it another time. Until then, much love!

Music to listen to while you read

"Lift"-Shannon Noll



I look fat on camera
Later that day, my mom told me that she saw me on the news. I was wondering how since there were no cameras around. I watched the 5:00 news to see if she was right, and I remembered that there was a camera out there that night. Sure enough, the report, and there I was. I thought to myself "Holy crap! That's me? I look so fat!" I know there's that saying that the camera adds 10 lbs, but it looked like there were 4 cameras on me. The last time I ran may have been a few weeks before that, but I thought my Victoria Beckham-esque diet during the day would make up for that. Once exams are over, I'm definitely hitting the gym. The next time I'm on camera, I'm going to look fit and in shape and not like a chocolate Jabba the Hut (I don't care if I misspelled it; the only sci-fi I do is "Doctor Who").

I felt bad, because I was being nice
Let me explain. Whenever I heard about someone's death on the news, I always said "Awww" under my breath. It was my way of showing that I feel bad and care when really didn't affect me that much. Two weeks ago, I sat in front of the TV watching the coverage of the shootings at Virginia Tech while reading articles online. I watched as the number of people dead jumped from 2 to 21 to 32, and all the while, I had this feeling. It was a mix of sadness and empathy. I was lucky enough not to have been killed; 32 people weren't. Networks interviewed those who survived. As I watched, I was glad that those survivors chose to do interviews so soon, because they felt okay enough to do them then. I knew if they waited, they would have been a mess after they finally grasp what happened. This whole thing was different, because I wasn't trying to be nice. I really did feel bad for them.

Some people just don't get it
I know not everyone has had a traumatic experience, but finding out people's expectations of how I should feel was odd. Some friends wondered why I was going to class so soon afterwards, expecting me to be in my room curled up in the fetal position rocking back and forth crying. Granted there were some moments where that didn't seem like a bad idea, but I needed to keep going. Some friends asked me if this experience would lead to my buying a gun. To quote Whitney Houston, the answer to that question is "Hell to the no!" I'm not a big gun fan, and I support stricter gun control, but that's beside the point. I ma not feel as safe as I used to, but I don't want this experience to drastically change how I go about my life. I understand they didn't mean to, but it really upset me when people said "At least you're alive". To me, that sentence just glossed over the intense emotions I was dealing with at the time. That I'm alive, and that's that. I understand these people were trying to help, but this is the truth.

Things aren't going to be the same again
Just before the wave of sadness came in, I wondered if things would ever go back to normal. Would I ever look toward that street corner again? Would I ever go to the library at night? Would I ever wait at that bus stop without having to fight back tears? The answers to those questions are "Yes", but new questions have come to mind. Will I not get mad paranoid when I walk outside at night? Will I think about everything that happened more once the semester is over? Will I ever be over it? I'm still not sure about the answers to these questions. I know that the normal that I've known for the past 20 years is gone forever, and I have to take time to adjust myself to this new normal. Honestly, it's not entirely bad; it's given me a change in perspective. I now understand just how precious life is, and how no one knows when one day, all of a sudden everything fades to black. The little things that used to get me down are just that: little. Conversely, the little things that cheered me up are so much more. They're what keeps me going during those times I feel maybe Dave Chappelle was one to something when he "went crazy" and left for South Africa (btw, RDU to Cape Town one way is about $2,100). All these emotions are strange, complex, and intense, but I need to keep going. When they decide to come in the form of a tsunami, I just have to ride it.

At around 2:30 AM on March 22, 2007, it happened. I just wanted to leave the library and go to bed. I just wanted to go to sleep and finish a project that I knew wasn't going to work. I didn't want to have a gun pointed at me in an attempted armed robbery. I didn't want to run away in the direction the gun was pointing in. I didn't want to fear that I was going to get shot, or die. It's funny how we get what we don't want sometimes.

The next morning, I was still a bit shaken, but I felt better later that day. People kept asking me if I was alright, and I told them I was. Frankly, I got tired of being asked that question. However, I remembered this one episode of "Grey's Anatomy" where Cristina thought she was fine after having a miscarriage; she was a crying mess at the end. I felt like that all the baggage I wasn't feeling was gonna catch up with me, and about a week later, it did. I had flashbacks that popped up at random times, that some times provoke anxiety attacks. Everyone that asked if I was fine seemed to have moved on; ironically, that's when I needed them to ask me that. A huge wave of sadness came in that Tuesday, and didn't leave until that Friday.

So, how am I now? I'm fine. Okay, let me elaborate. I'm in the process of accepting what happened. I still think about that night and am amazed at how vivid the memories are. I've just started crossing the street at that intersection, and going to the library at night again. Honestly, I'm not sure how long it should take for me to move on, but it's okay. I'm taking as long as I need to.

You have just witnessed The Great Blog Post Purge of April 2007. I felt it was time to start over. I won't make any promises that I'll update more often, because I'll probably not keep them.